Looking Back

I’ve been working really hard this week trying to finish the baby book that I’ve been creating for Linc’s first year!  This book started out as a project that was only going to be 12 or so pages … a page for each month and a little blurb about what he liked, what he was doing and accomplishing and any fun or funny little quirks.  What it’s turned out to be is something quite different entirely!

It’s become a way for me to document all the little in’s and out’s to our sweet boy but it’s also served as a way to document my way through mommy-hood!  (And seriously, this baby book that was only supposed to be 12 or so pages has turned thicker than our wedding album!)

As I look back and reflect, I not only see how much my babe has grown but how much I have grown as a mother and as a person in general.  And it’s revealing and honest!  And that’s inspired me to write a completely honest post about my first year becoming a mom.

There are things that I used to say before I became a mom about the type of mom I was going to be.  I know we all do that and it isn’t until you actually become a mom that you realize that all the ideals you had (and all those I will never do’s) fly out the window.

A great friend of mine once told me…”you think you know but you really have no clue!”

I realized pretty quickly that before you become a mom, you are actually quite judgemental.  Then you become a mom, realize that fun fact, and now sympathize completely and nod your head in sharing the yep I’ve done that… I understand!

Here are some of the things I’m talking about:  things I used to say to myself when I thought of the kind of mom I was going to be.

• I will never let my baby watch TV… until you are exhausted and that is THE only thing that makes your baby laugh or light up for just a brief moment on a seriously cranky day!  Baby Einstein is short and engaging and has classical music giving you enough time to drink or eat something!
• I WILL breast feed no matter what it takes…until you try your absolute best and despite all the pumping and serious stalker like relationship with the breast pump your milk stops coming in.  That’s when you are thankful for formula and you realize as long as you are feeding your baby and loving your baby then judgers you do your thing.
• My baby HAS in fact slept in his swing (which is something I thought why not just put them in the crib or the bassinet or let them sleep on you?!)  Because sometimes everybody needs their sleep in whatever form they can get it in!  (even the swing!)
• I WILL be the mom that gets up, takes a shower and gets dressed in real clothes every morning!  That one is almost laughable to me now. I did that for the first month maybe and then husband went back to work full time and I decided that lululemon was waaay to comfortable and that showers were totally over rated.  (Besides it’s better for your hair not to wash it everyday right?!)

You never know what you will or will not do until you actually become a mom and you meet and start getting to know your amazing little one. Then that opinion or ideal of what type of mom you are is subject to change daily.

I also learned about all the wonderful experiences you never actually thought would happen even though you were given fair warning about!

• The first time you get peed on, more than once!  I got peed on as I was changing a diaper, only to get peed on when I switched the diaper and then peed on again except in the eye ball as I put the final and lasting diaper on!
• The time you break down in tears because it’s been an exhausting day and your husband just complimented on how wonderful you smell.  Except is it really a compliment when you haven’t showered and your hair only smells like apples and cinnamon because it IS apples and cinnamon from the applesauce your baby has thrown and is crusted over in your hair?!
• The conversations that were once about the fabulous dinner dates you had planned with your hubby or the movies you were going to see that have now turned into what color poop the baby had that day or how many times!

But I think the most important things I’ve learned this first year as a mom are the ways in which I am a mom and what my son constantly teaches me:

• How peek a boo is now the most fun game ever invented!  And that I will crawl on the floor and play chase despite exhaustion, despite migraines and despite bruised knees because there is absolutely nothing like that smile on his face!
• How sometimes I am desperate for a break but the second I get one (even if it’s just for a walk by myself) I completely miss being around my little crazy!  Or how I’m absolutely bored when he’s sleeping and can’t wait for him to wake up so we can play.
• How each day I’m taught patience.  Each day I’m learning about all the wonders and adventures life offers that I miss because I’ve just been to preoccupied with “adult” things.
• That unconditional love has never been more defined and more real to me.  And how powerful it can be and overwhelming and breath-taking.
• How cautious I am and over protective (which I swore I wouldn’t be)
• How affectionate of a person I am (and there is nothing like a snuggle in which way I can get it!)

So as I put these last finishing touches on Linc’s giant baby book, I notice how I’m already writing things down for his second year book (which I’m sure will turn into his third).

I see how much Linc has grown and changed, but I also see how much hubs and I have done the same.  Each little story in his book brings about other memories of times of when and what we did and how we laughed or cried or fell in love again and again and again.

So I think despite the crazy amount of pages this first book has;  it might be nothing compared to his second or third or sixteenth year!  And that I simply can’t stop at just his first year!  Yes I will be that mom.

I want to look back when he’s driving and be able to reflect on everyone’s growth and change:  Linc’s as he matures in life and Hubs and I as we mature as parents.

So the baby book comes to a close but the adventure still continues.  And since the adventure goes on, so will my documentation!

(and if I dare to say it… I will be that mom that brings them out to show important dates that come to our house!)